Blessings in a Burn Unit: An Introduction
Perspective and the Power of Narrative
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.
~Anne Lamott
My book collection is as vast as it is eclectic, lining the shelves in my office with touchstones of the places I’ve wandered in search of answers. Each work tells a story of its own, but the offering of these authors seems to blend with my memory of the time I turned its pages. I’m now surrounded by genres of work from memoir to history, religion, psychology, and spirituality—notwithstanding all things esoteric and the motivational self-help tomes sandwiched in between instructions on writing and life.
Maybe I was craving knowledge I didn’t yet have, or seeking solace. Sometimes I just needed a distraction, but I now recognize what I was both reaching for and running from in the colorful chaos of branded titles that surround me.
I can move my hand along the bindings and feel the tenacity of my quest, because for decades now, I’ve been gathering stories and curating wisdom in the rolodex of my mind—expecting it all to mix into a concrete answer revealing the great mysteries of being human.
However, parsing truth from fiction proves to be as complicated as the task of responding to the question, “Alicia, what do you believe?”
This inquiry unearths the unconscious curiosity that belies my seeking—directing my attention to the source of the thoughts I think, that shape the words I speak or motivate the actions, that quietly shape the reality I experience.
Suffice it to say, I’ve lived enough stories of my own to see the world through an kaleidoscopic lens and recognize a spectrum of possibility transcendent of what is either black or white. Yet what complicates Truth (with a definitive capital T) is the complexity of each moment we experience, which must be narrated from a perspective that views the plot from a lens that beholds either what is positive or what is negative.
Therefore, if it is balance we strive for in the spiralic quest for wholeness, then we must become artisans of paradox—skilled at crafting sentences which illuminate the transformative power of choice.
For, even in the darkest moments there are blessings, and when we choose to notice the good that is eternally within our midst, we become characters of resilience in stories of hope.
I suppose then, the unitive theme among the books woven into the fabric of my being with threads of inspiration great and small, is the revelatory milestone of publication whereby a seed of possibility is formally offered to the world. This is a process that amplifies the heartbeat of humanity, for we are creatures who gather in need of belonging and connection to broaden and build the communities in which we might flourish.
Are then books the modern-day antidote to an age-old need? And, has the industrialization of storytelling severed us from an ancient art?
There was a time I considered my book collection with wonder and awe, holding reverence for the god-like feat of a published author that was both daunting and daring for an untrained writer. But the luminous hope we seek in the horizon is eternally closer than we realize, and all we chase is never beyond our reach.
A calling will whisper before it shouts with an urgent reminder of our destiny, but following it requires both patience and persistence as we kindle the flame that glows from within.
Furthermore, while I write to you now from the horizon that once was so far beyond my reach, I’ve learned that a story written to completion is no more potent than the first words inked—or in my personal experience, the first words I typed into my phone while sitting vigil at my toddler’s bed side in an intensive care burn unit.
I’ve long insisted an email was my birthplace of growth and subsequent transformation, but since the best piece of writing advice I ever gathered was, “Show, don’t tell,” my words are now bound into a book that will take you on a journey through the moments that made me a writer on resilience, motherhood, and the faith that now permeates my life and writing.
Yes, the story I am introducing here begins with the email you will read below that I composed on the night I stood at the precipice of unfathomable loss. Uncertain if my toddler son would make it through the night or the baby in my womb would take his first breath, I wrote words that now read like a manifestation exercise. This is of course, a perspective honed with the expanse of time and healing.
And though it feels like I woke up with a message to share and the courage to write my name in a byline, my divinity rests on the word-by-word process that carried me from despair to hope, while growing into a voice transcendent of a plot I did not dare to define.
In the five chapters that follow chronicling my experience in the burn unit—from the surgery that saved my son’s life through the birth of my third baby—are the 19 original blog entries I composed to remain connected with the friends, family, and eventual strangers who became my lifeline of hope in adversity. When paired with the words I write now—reflections gleaned with the grace of hindsight, I offer a very human expression of what I believe is a universal truth about perspective, the power of narrative, and an email that changed my life.
This is a book born of the blessings I once found in a burn unit, and the offering I now make with gratitude for the practice of writing that has become the artwork of my soul.
Content Guide to Blessings in a Burn Unit’s Introduction
The Email
How This Book Works
The Email
On Mar 28, 2013, at 1:39 AM, Alicia Assad <alicia.assad@gmail.com> wrote:
My dearest friends,
I am sending this email to keep you all in the loop as you are my nearest and dearest.
For a while now baby Henry has been monitored for something called Posterior Urethral Valve (PUV). Basically it is a blockage in his urinary tract that causes fluid to build up in his ureters and kidneys. For the past few weeks things have been ok....there was still dilation, but it was no worse and I was hopeful that I would carry to term - which is why I didn't tell anyone about it.
At my sonogram on Tuesday, however, I was told that both ureters were significantly more dilated and there is fluid starting to back up into his kidneys. The problem with this is kidney damage. The longer he stays in and fluid builds up, the worse the damage. Regardless of the extent of the damage, he needs a surgery by 3 days old to get things working properly. The sooner this is done, the less kidney damage, the better the outcome. The surgery itself isn't terrible, but a baby that young under anesthesia is...
My OB believes that because my amniotic fluid was still good at the last scan, I could probably wait a week and do another sonogram on Tuesday to see where things are and then decide if we need to take him out early (37 weeks) for the corrective surgery.
But I've been consulting with the pediatric urologist who will assess Henry at birth and do the surgery. When I updated him on the scan and size of the ureters, he asked that I come into his office today with my reports to decide on what to do: induce immediately, or wait a little longer.
As Eddie and I were walking out the door to go this appointment, William and Catherine were with my babysitter in the kitchen, helping her with dinner as a distraction.
An accident happened with a pot of near boiling water and William was burned.
As I write this, I am at Nassau University Medical Center in the Burn Intensive Care Unit. William has 2nd degree burns on 16 percent of his body covering his face, neck, chest and arms. At the moment, he is stable. He is breathing on his own, but has a catheter to monitor fluid in/output. He is finally resting as he was given a very high dose of morphine.
Tomorrow, they will begin assessing his wounds and how they will proceed with care...skin grafts or some regenerative skin treatment depending on how the burns progress. As of now, we are looking at being here for at least a week or two though we won't know the full scope of his stay or treatment for 48-72 hours as they monitor the burns.
I guess the complication here is that if William remains in the hospital for one to two weeks, this might overlap with Henry's birth and impending surgery. I have been contracting since 33 weeks and trying to take it easy, but even if I don't go into labor it may or may not be ok for him to stay in utero much longer. My OB and pediatric urologist are at Winthrop Hospital right now, I am at Nassau University Medical Center. I am not certain, but it is highly unlikely that either of my docs have privileges here, where William needs to be for the best burn treatment. I have phone calls to make tomorrow, but in the event that the baby comes while William is here, I'm curious to see if we can operate on him here as well - or if there is a way we can transfer to a hospital good for all three of us.
As of now, I am ok, but I think tomorrow will be hard as they begin to undress, scrape and redress the wounds - staying calm through all of this so as to not go into labor has been the biggest challenge of my life.
For the moment, your positive thoughts and prayers are all I need, because we have care and coverage - my dad came, my in-laws are around, and my mom should be here by Saturday to help with Catherine so Eddie can be with us here at the hospital as much as possible.
I just worry about the journey ahead...keeping Catherine calm and distracted... managing with both of my boys so vulnerable...
William won't let me leave his side. The only thing that keeps him calm is "mommy snuggles". He needs me, so I am praying that Henry can wait until I see him through this. I really, really want to see him through this hospital stay before the baby comes. That scenario I know how to handle. I'm not sure I can handle leaving him in this condition, and since that's only one of the many possibilities in the near future, I'm trying to remain in the present.
I just wanted to keep you all in the loop so you are not wondering why I fell off the face of the earth. But also, for the first time in my life, I really just need your love and support.
Please keep me strong and focused and help me get through this.
Love you all.
A
Sent from my iPhone
How This Book Works
Blessings in a Burn Unit begins here with the words above, but you can go back and read the Prologue on Resilience & Motherhood or continue on with the links below:
Chapter One: The Art of Paradox
Chapter Two: The Space Between
Chapter Three: The Science of Happiness
Chapter Four: The Birthplace of a Miracle
Chapter Five: The Artistry of Faith
Afterward: A Note on Love and Miracles
You can also read on about faith and flourishing here, or head over to The Magdalene Thread for essays and conversations on heart-based spirituality and extraordinary faith.
